i’m bummed because I need a series of pills in order to function on a basic level.

anti depressants

mood stabilizer

add medication

and that’s just to keep me away from bulimic behaviors. if I don’t take one of them, i’m fucked. it’s upsetting that i’m dependent on something other than myself to keep my head just above the water. I still can’t move much, i’m spending so much energy on just breathing. if I don’t have my artificial life source I slip under and panic. it’s terrifying because i’m afraid i’m going to keep sinking. until I take my medication, the surface breaks and i’m able to keep my nose above the water.

11:37 am  •  23 April 2013

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2007

(Source: askingalexandergaskarth, via smut101)

10:59 pm  •  21 April 2013  •  105,780 notes

CAN BARELY manage to type a dentence/. ri’m sick. everything I look st nausea. no more typing

today sucks

10:47 pm  •  21 April 2013

I’ve had a pretty good day but I was triggered by Tom at lunch and I drank an hour after taking antidepressants and now I’m depressed okay. Maybe it wasn’t that great of a day but now it seems like most things have been a waste of time I just dONT CARE

5:07 pm  •  29 January 2013  •  1 note

“A depressed person is selfish because her self, the very core of who she is, will not leave her alone, and she can no more stop thinking about this self and how to escape it than a prisoner held captive by a sadistic serial killer can forget about the person who comes in to torture her everyday. Her body is brutalized by her mind.”

— Stacy Pershall, Loud in the House of Myself: Memoir of a Strange Girl (via constant-fear)

(via t-o-t-a-l-b-a-b-e)

12:34 pm  •  28 January 2013  •  2,745 notes

iamjustjess:

How to Love Your Depressed Lover by Lenore

Last night I thought I kissed
the loneliness from out your belly button.
I thought I did, but later you sat up,
all bones and restless hands, and told me
there is a knot in your body that I cannot undo.

I never know what to…

(Source: five--a--day)

1:44 pm  •  27 January 2013  •  195 notes

onlinecounsellingcollege:

· Daydream – Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a dream location. Breathe slowly and deeply. Whether it’s a beach, a mountaintop, a hushed forest or a favourite room from your past, let the comforting environment wrap you in a sensation of peace and tranquility.

· “Collect”…

8:55 am  •  28 November 2012  •  2,219 notes

My depression has really gotten to me and I’m not doing any of my homework or studying and I hate getting out of my bed because it takes so much effort. Losing hope. I feel very very little. I only get up for class or because I’m bored and need to binge. I don’t talk to any of my friends anymore even though several of them have reached out to me. I’m isolating myself in this little black hole and I just don’t see how I’ll make it if I keep this up.

8:26 am  •  28 November 2012

clinicallydepressedpug:

and that’s exhausting enough as it is

(via grimdarkprose)

6:24 pm  •  26 November 2012  •  78 notes

I was hoping to go to lunch at 11 but I slept right through it, as well as my appointment for class advisement. I have an anatomy exam that I’m going to fail in half an hour and I feel like I can’t get up. I have no strength

This is depression hitting hard.

1:58 pm  •  20 November 2012

Im not depressed. This is monumental

I HAVE ACKNOWLEDGED THAT I AM NOT DEPRESSED. WOWOWOWOW

8:36 pm  •  23 October 2012  •  2 notes

suicide will never be selfish. it’s hard to feel that way after suffering from depression and knowing how numb and unable to see past the next millisecond it made me. Hope, no matter how dim, is the only weapon that can keep the darkness of depression at bay.

2:30 pm  •  19 August 2012

My dad has no idea the impact those simple words had on me months ago.

And how they’re affecting my recovery now. I’ve been in a bad place all day. I’m getting tired. I am cruel to myself because it’s what I deserve for being a worthless, selfish, overindulgent, gluttonous fuck. I am not human. I am nothing.

I am always too much and I’m never enough.

3:54 pm  •  5 July 2012

I don’t know what I want.

Therefore, impulsivity is the key.

Don’t think.

1:23 pm  •  30 June 2012  •  1 note

I think that I should die.

Said the eating disorder.

But I don’t want to, I said.

There’s no tomorrow. Don’t wake up again.

I am depressed but I’m not depressed. Maybe this is what Tyler Durden meant that our great depression is our lives. 

I don’t want to live if this is my life.

12:38 pm  •  30 June 2012